Experience my pain

Posts tagged ‘death’

TGIF

Today on this lovely day i sit tired unable to sleep but wide awake unable to think. But i guess that’s not so bad giving the significance of today. But i have been doing well on this side of life. Relationship is going well the sex is good not amazing but good. So i’ll survive.

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Question??????

So i want to know your thoughts on one night stands? Public sex? Sex with friends? Threesomes? and my personal favorite  Oral sex. Can you do it right if you don’t love it? Let’s talk about it.

Aside

im extremely sleep i have been trying to occupy my day to keep busy but im tired now and its time to take that drive back to DeKalb

Aside

Last year i wondered if this day would be different but its not the real is as real as ever and the fact that i cant control it frightens me. But i know that our love will forever live no matter what. When i’m sixty with Alzheimer i will remember stank. 

Best friend Fazion

Today is my best friend, my cousin birthday. We were as thick as thieves but a sense less act took him away from me. Me and stank talked every single day and the one day i miss calling him i never see again. I’ve been trying to figure out our last conversation but i have so many memories of him they over lap. I think all i want to do is remember the last one but i’m thankful that i can remember all of the other one’s. I’m thankful that i was there to be apart of his life and experience what a great person we was while i could. I miss him i try not to be said but everyday i get another memory or i see something i knew he would have liked. Sometimes its unbearable Living with this broken Heart.

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This day unlike any other day

So wake up at 6:45am for class and i woke up with the biggest attitude. My god i have never had one so humongous. OK i had a dream about this guy i have been in love with since the seventh grade and back then he showed little interest but not enough to spark a relationship. He knew how i felt about him he has always known. We’ve had phone convo’s about it but that’s where it ends. So i see him off and on we’re still friends but we don’t hang out unless it’s an planned event. So i had a dream i was on my way back to summer camp to work it was training week, and he calls me on the phone and tells me he’s been thinking about me and how he miss me. Now this is where it get’s out of hand the part that pisses me off. He says, “Khalia you know, you’re the one who decided to be friends, you didn’t want a relationship.” I was beyond livid the fact that he now wanted to be with me (upon his convenience might i add) went in one ear and out the other. The fact that he blames me for us not being together now that got my attention. For some reason his brother’s were there and after i hang up he calls one of them and ask about me i can hear them through the bathroom door. He tells him “she’s in a mood, slamming doors and talking to herself”. I couldn’t focus on anything else, after eight years here you come ready who said i was ready for you. I had already given up on him. I had to think about me, i had to think is this the man you want. So i decided he wasn’t boyfriend material. I couldn’t see him in my future. But that phone call through me off balance. This dream screwed my day because i didn’t know what it meant. Then i pull out my phone and see him all over my Instagram. That there put the nail in the coffin. My thinking has been corrupted by visions of him. Fudge.. The things i did today were surrounded by my thoughts of him. And its like i know its a dream but all of the pain and rejection, just came back and hit me. Its like last December all over again.